


Video to Dean

by Victoria_Supernatural



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Best Friends, Other, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 07:56:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Victoria_Supernatural/pseuds/Victoria_Supernatural
Summary: Castiel has made a video to Dean talking about his feeling towards him. This video is not any video, but in fact Castiel's suicide note.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, all! This is my first Fanfiction, I hope you enjoy it... Kinda I mean it's a little sad to be 'enjoying'. Please let me know what needs work or what you like/don't like about it. Thank you!

    You found a woman. She is strong, and she shares your dreams, your demons. She holds you close and holds your hands. I see the way you look at each other, your future displayed in your eyes.

You look perfect tonight. Seeing You makes me want to dance in the dark. Dance around my feelings, and my lies. You deserves this Dean, I shouldn’t be holding you down. I have been for too long.You deserve to feel loved, I tried to show you, but I am no match for the brown eyed beauty.

But what do I know? I know your story, I know your dad always told you, “Son, don’t get involved with religion” or how your father was homophobic. I know that you would cry yourself to sleep because you had too much responsibility on your shoulders.

I knew when you started cutting to relieve the pain, you might not know this but, I was the one who threw out your razors. You thought it was Sammy, you figured he found out so you stopped. But it was me.

Dean, you were the one that raised Sam after your mother died. You were the one who dropped out of school, so you could be employed and bring home money. You were the one who put others before yourself because you felt everyone else has more reasons to live than yourself. I will never be enough. You are living in the world, in the present, thinking about the future.

I lost the battle. Dean, you are greater, you deserves more than anyone else. You are the one who has always picked me up even when you needed to do your own things. You were the one who picked me up when I was feeling depressed. I asked you once, “am I a burden to you?” But I guess everyone lies, as you told me that I wasn’t.

I wanted to be there for you, I hope you know that. I want to be happy for you. I know deep down, I am untroubled for your new found love. I just wish I could forget about these stupid feelings. I hope you know you’re the reason I dream. That you know you’re the reason why I want a future. I want to close my eyes and dream, as I rather dream of you than to wake up to you leaving me. In my dreams we are free. You don’t have to worry about your father and Sammy turned out amazing because of you.

  
     I don’t know how I got here Dean. I’m scared, I don’t think I want to die yet, but it’s in the best interest for everyone. I just hope that afterwards, I will still be able to watch you grow up. Have the perfect family you always needed, wanted. I tried not to drown by these thoughts, but I’m tired of trying to keep myself afloat. I thought I could do it but I can’t.

  
    I remember when we were little and we found our secret hideout in the forest in your backyard. Do you remember how every day after school we would see we could get there the faster? You told me that that was our place. A place for only me and you.

Once Sammy was older we made an exception for him, as you didn’t want to leave him alone with your father. Those were some of my favourite memories. Then when we were older, I really needed to talk to you. I went to our hideout, and I found you kissing Cassie Jones. I felt betrayed. That was our spot and you brought a girl there in hopes that she would make-out with you. After I found you, I couldn’t continue going to the hideout, so we stopped visiting it.

I wonder if the decorations are still there? The painting and drawings? What about the canned food that I brought out there when I found your dad wasn’t feeding you, I wonder if those are still there?

  
    Dean, when, if you get this video, just know that I love you. I want you to know that you are such an amazing person. You are strong, and talented, and caring, and physically and mentally beautiful, and gosh I could go on. I love you, dean. I love when you laugh at your own jokes, I love the way how when you smile your eyes crinkle in the corner. I love the way how protective you are over the ones you love.

I love that, even with no man in your life so show you how a man acts, you still managed to become a wonderful man. You will be a great father one day Dean. I wish I was there to see it. But I ned to let you go, and by letting you go I need to let go of myself.

  
    Please tell Sammy, that he is such an amazing kid and that he is going to do extraordinary things when he is older. Please tell my family that I am sorry and I love them.

  
     I hope after you watch this video, you won’t let it affect your life. Please don’t let this hold you back. I know it won’t but still. I will miss you, maybe one day I will see you again.

I always wanted to go out with a big bang…


End file.
